By the time Ayleen Charlotte realized what had happened, she was broke, in debt, and didn’t know what to do.
Her boyfriend, for well over a year, was actually Shimon Hayut, the infamous “Tinder Swindler,” and she was one of many women he had scammed out of nearly everything they had. They were victims of a “pig-butchering” scam, a type of social engineering campaign in which the criminal spends months building trust with the target — just as a farmer takes time to fatten a pig before slaughter — before bilking them for large sums of money.
She turned to law enforcement for help but had to visit four different police stations before she found someone who would take her report. They said there was little they could do because she gave him the money willingly.
Her financial institutions told her it was her fault for getting scammed. One even recommended that she sell her house to clear her debts.
“This is not what you want to hear when you are crying for help,” Charlotte told an audience at the recent RSAC Conference in San Francisco.
She had known it would be tough to bring Hayut to justice, but the lack of empathy from everyone she asked for help was soul-crushing, she said. The feelings of shame and blame she felt from them, those who should have been helping her, made her feel like she was being victimized all over again.
As a result of her experience, Charlotte researched the psychology of fraud and founded Scam Awareness and Fraud Education (SAFE). The non-profit advises financial institutions, law enforcement, regulators and organizations on how to work with scam victims with empathy, in hopes that they’ll be treated better than she was.
She was among a handful of speakers at RSAC Conference this year discussing how cybersecurity professionals can help address the growing threat of romance and other kinds of pig-butchering scams. Organizations are increasingly investing in anti-fraud technologies, but they also need to improve employee training on how to support scam victims.
“You need to create a culture that puts the victim in the center,” Charlotte said.
Millions Lost Every Year
While there is growing awareness of romance and pig-butchering scams, countless people are still being defrauded by them. The FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center received 23,159 reports of confidence or romance scams in the 2025 annual Internet Crime Report. There were 72,984 investment scam complaints in 2025, resulting in a massive $8.65 billion in losses.
The vast majority of pig-butchering scams go unreported, so the numbers reflect only a small fraction of incidents and the money lost.
Not all pig-butchering scams involve romance. In many cases, scammers will reach out online and form relationships with targets that, while not romantic, build enough trust to dupe them into scams like fake investment schemes.
According to Erin West, founder of the nonprofit Operation Shamrock, the attackers are exploiting people’s desire for companionship and connection. People are still willing to click on a text from someone offering friendship, even if it is an unknown sender, or to connect with people in a mutual social media group, and scammers know that.
“The enemy has picked this scam strategically,” West said during her own RSAC talk. “They know that what we need right now more than anything is companionship.”
West, a former prosecutor for California’s Santa Clara County, created Operation Shamrock to bring together law enforcement, technologists and financial leaders to disrupt pig-butchering scams run from Southeast Asia. The fact that these scams are run from boiler rooms abroad adds to the difficulty in tracking and prosecuting the swindlers.
All Kinds of People Are Susceptible
Senior citizens have long been considered susceptible to these kinds of scams. They may not be as tech savvy as younger people and are often alone.
This is why financial institutions can, and should, play a key role in protecting the elderly from scammers, said Rick Swenson, Managing Director, Enterprise Fraud Management at investment company TIAA. However, he acknowledged that it can be tough.
During an RSAC presentation with Lisa Plaggemier, executive director of the National Cybersecurity Alliance, Swenson recounted how difficult it was to protect an 87-year-old widow trying to move $250,000 out of her retirement account for an “investment” opportunity. TIAA had determined that she was being scammed and knew she had already transferred $400,000 from accounts at other financial institutions abroad.
But when TIAA stopped the $250,000 transfer, she was very angry and refused to believe them, Swenson said. It took three-and-a-half weeks, along with in-person visits from personnel from adult protective services, the local sheriff’s department, and the FBI, to finally convince her.
“So, it’s one thing to detect a scam,” Swenson said. “It’s quite another to prevent a loss in that circumstance.”
TIAA and the National Cybersecurity Alliance created the “Then & Now” initiative, which includes an online curriculum, printed workbook and volunteer toolkit, all designed to keep older adults safe online.
The focus cannot be just on the elderly; ultimately, the scammers are after “anyone with a cellphone and a wallet,” West said.
Shifting to an Empathy-First Approach
Preventing scams needs to be a “team sport,” involving not just banks but also telecommunications companies, to improve at blocking scam calls and texts from reaching victims. Regulators like the Federal Trade Commission need to use their authority to crack down on scammers who abuse telecom networks to carry out their activities.
West acknowledged that cybersecurity professionals may feel confident they would never fall for these types of confidence scams, but they should not dismiss their seriousness. “It’s happening to your next-door neighbor. It’s happening to your friends,” West said.
Swenson and West echoed and agreed with Charlotte’s view that the needs and well-being of victims must always come first.
Making victims feel stupid for being scammed doesn’t help get them out of the situation, West said. “The best way to do that is with empathy.”
